Many parents struggle communicating with their former spouse after divorce regarding matters pertaining to their children. It is easy to let feelings surrounding the broken marriage negatively impact communication even on otherwise mundane topics. Over the years, I have observed a lot of ineffective and counterproductive communication between parents. Here are a few tips for communicating more effectively.
- Stick to one subject when possible. Interjecting multiple subjects invites multiple disagreements and dilutes focus on the immediate problem at hand. If the issue is who is going to take the child to soccer practice, focus on that and only that.
- Stick to the present. It is generally counterproductive to rehash old grievances about the shortcomings of the other parent. It typically invites arguments over events in the past, triggers counterattacks, and diverts focus from the immediate issue that needs to be solved.
- Nouns, verbs, and questions over adjectives, adverbs, and statements. Stick to the facts and the issue. Don’t descend into name calling. Be firm and clear about what is going to happen.
- Confirm things in writing. Sometimes communication is so poor that parents do not wish to speak with each other over the phone. Regardless of whether conversations happen over the phone or in writing, confirm plans in writing. An example could include a brief text message after a phone call such as, I will be doing tomorrow’s school pick per our conversation.
- Consider using a parenting app. There are several parenting apps out there that can serve as master ledgers for the children’s school, medical appointments, and extracurricular activities that allow both parents to view and edit. Similarly, these apps can serve as one channel for written communication between the parents to track when messages are sent, received, and responded to. They are useful if communication ever becomes an issue in a future Court case.
If you have questions about coparenting and your custody arrangements, please contact MacElree Harvey’s Delaware office at 302-654-4454. Visit macelree.com to learn more.
Author Patrick J. Boyer concentrates his practice on family law. He advocates in various areas including, but not limited to, divorce, property division, alimony, child custody and visitation, child support, and domestic violence. In addition, Patrick assists his clients with issues involving guardianship and third-party visitation. He is licensed in Delaware and Pennsylvania and works out of the firm’s Centreville, Delaware office.
